Estimated read time: 5-6 minutes
Somehow, we have reached the point where the most confusing cinema experience isn't a mind-bending sci-fi drama or a bizarre indie film with no actual plot or direction but oozing with subtext. No, the most confusing crown now belongs to superhero movies.
No, the movies themselves aren't necessarily confusing, but the universes, what films are connected to each other and which ones aren't is a headache. Add in the fact that multiple superhero rights are owned by different studios. Some studios play nice and others don't, while those owned by the same studios still have different versions and iterations.
We have the MCU, the DCEU, the DC movies not connected to the DCEU, the new DCEU and the Sony Spider-Man universe that is not linked to the MCU. Some of them are connected to one another, but not all of them are. But they are all connected in a multiverse capacity.
What I'm getting at is that I'm getting a migraine even thinking about it, and there seems to be no end in sight. The most confusing of all the universes is the never-ending Spider-Man web. There is the Tom Holland MCU Spider-Man, the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man and the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man. Let's not forget "Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse" Spider-Man, as well as the Spide-Man villain movies like "Venom," "Morbius;" and the upcoming "Kraven the Hunter." Each of the Spider-Men are in different universes, but also connected. But to which Spider-Man universe do these villains belong? Are they in the same universe as each other? Do the filmmakers even know anymore?
We have a new Spidey movie without Spider-Man to add to the madness and confusion. "Madame Web" is now in theaters to make your Valentine's Day memorable.
The movie is based on a comic about Cassandra Webb, a paramedic who develops powers to see the future.
I won't spoil anything here, and I'll let you figure out which Spidey-verse this movie is in — because I don't have the time or energy. I can tell you that "Madame Web" wasn't terrible, but it wasn't all that memorable, either. It could be superhero fatigue or a story that fell flat, but here are some reasons "Madame Web" gets lost in the massive web of Spider-Man movies.
I didn't care about the characters
For a movie to be engaging, I need to care about the people I'm watching. I'm not saying they all need this rich tapestry of history and depth, but I need to empathize with them, somehow. Understanding why they're a villain, a hero, and why this journey is essential. I didn't feel like I got any of that from "Madame Web."
The film has a main character, three central characters, a villain and several supporting characters. The main character is unlikable for most of the movie, and her motivations for being so unpleasant are stated but don't really make sense to me. The three major characters seem whiny and obnoxious. They are cliches of so many characters that have been created before. I cared more about some supporting characters because we know them from other universes. I won't give any spoilers about who. But I only cared because other films have painted interesting backstories of those characters.
The villain is boring
Then, there is the villain. This was my least favorite part. The actor Tahar Rahim is fine, but the character Ezekiel Sims is so boring. If these are spoilers, deal with it, but I need them to get my point across.
Sims is a nasty dude who will kill anyone or anything that gets in his way. He has spider powers and did some evil things to get them. He is also massively wealthy and can afford pretty much anything he wants to stay in power. How'd he get so rich? No idea. Why is he willing to be a horrible person? Apparently, he came from "less than nothing." What was that? What did it look like? No idea; that line is really all that we get. He's a miserable person because he grew up poor, apparently.
I just did not care about him at all. He wasn't even like a vaudeville villain who is evil just because they like to be cruel. The filmmakers tried to make us care about him and understand his motives, but it did not work. We're supposed to hate him, but I haven't been this apathetic about a bad guy in a long time.
It did too much without really doing anything
"Madame Web" introduces us to a lot of characters very quickly. Because of that, it's easy to get lost as to who is who and why you should care about them. Unfortunately, we end up not really caring about any of them.
We also have a movie with a run time of under two hours, and there is so much packed in there, but nothing happens. I know that doesn't seem to make sense, but when you see the movie, if you do, I think it will make sense. We spend a lot of time in New York with the same thing happening repeatedly. Then we take a quick trip to Peru — which doesn't really answer any questions — to get back to all the other characters back in New York, who have more or less just been hanging out waiting for things to happen again.
It almost felt like a rushed two-hour premier pilot of a mediocre TV show instead of an expensive superhero movie.
What parents need to know
"Madame Web" is a pretty standard superhero movie. The language is minimal, with a few off-color jokes, an implied sexual interaction and plenty of violence.
Nothing graphic when it comes to violence, but there are some shootings, car crashes and murders. It's the same level as most of the PG-13 superhero movies we get today.
Conclusion
The ever-growing web of Spider-Man movies doesn't seem to be slowing down, but they don't appear to get any better, either.
"Madame Web" isn't terrible and is better than some of the bad superhero movies out there. Still, it's nothing special and ultimately forgettable. There is enough to keep some audiences entertained, and I believe my young daughters will like it, as they see a team of women as the heroes.
"Madame Web" is officially rated PG-13 for violence/action and language.
